


We dwell in these dreams

by Dymentious



Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Love, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 20:58:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3824884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dymentious/pseuds/Dymentious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lemrina watches Slaine sleeps. Here's some angst for this angsty ship. (This is before the nasty ending so..)</p>
            </blockquote>





	We dwell in these dreams

Lemrina was sitting on the bed, the lights were dimmed and the fragments of the moon reflected white light through the glass. She looked out into space, ever so quiet and beautiful. With little sparks of galaxies dancing into the distance. The vastness reached out to her and clung onto her and the silence surrounded her like thick mist. The infinite space and emptiness gave off a cold, solid dullness.

As she gazed towards the vast eternity, her eyes fell upon the empty space beside her bed. Their bed. Not that there was any shred of intimacy between Slaine and her. It has been a week since they were "married" and he skilfully managed to avoid sleeping together when she is awake. He comes in quietly when Lemrina is asleep, and after only catching a few hours of sleep, he sneaks out to his duties early as ever. _"I'm sorry, your highness. There is too much work to do, sleep is a luxury that I do not have until this war is won."_

She tried many times to convince him to rest, because she knows he is absolutely wrecked with exhaustion. She knows he needs the sleep to restore his energy, for his mind to relax. She knows she needs him to sleep too. With him sleeping beside her, she felt the loneliness of the cold space disappear into a flame of warmth, kindling in her heart. Of safety and false promises, sweet as honey that covers the bitter aftertaste.

There is something so absolutely bittersweet about lying to herself. Or at least, ignoring the truth because nothing can be helped. She could hear him speak those soft and kind words, stare into the green ocean of his deep eyes, feel his cold and guilty heart that tries to be genuine. She could do all that forever, drowning in this sweet belief that he loves her. She dwells in this beautiful illusion, knowing in the back of her head that it is wrong. But she doesn't care.

Tonight, she'll wait for him.

The door slid opened loudly and Slaine walked in. Rather, he staggered in with a slight unbalance. Harklight held his arms and shoulders and Slaine leaned heavily on him. The worry in Harklight's eyes were reflected in Lemrina's. Slaine's eyes were half closed and unfocused as if he was already asleep. Harklight quickly steadied his master and took off his coat and boots for him.

"Milord, if there is nothing else that I may help you with, I would leave you to sleep well. Good Night, milord, your highness." Harklight bowed low to both Slaine and Lemrina. He gave his master one last worried gaze, before exiting the room quietly.

Slaine did not say anything, he walked to his bed with his eyes practically close before dropping onto the soft covers in absolute exhaustion.

"Slaine? Are you...?" Lemrina hesitantly whispered but did not want to say anything more. _Leave him be, he needs the rest._

Slaine stirred slightly with his brows drawn. Within a few seconds, he was breathing deeply through his slightly parted lips. Lemrina looked at his beautiful hair that glowed even a paler white under the moonshine. Hesitantly, she reached out slowly and gently press her fingers through his hair and felt an unbelievable softness. Closing her eyes, she breathed. Breathe deeply through her aching heart and tired to embrace the warm scent of love and belonging.

She didn't move a single inch for she was afraid it might break the spell and time would start moving again, she stayed there and relished his presence as much as she could. His company made her feel like her existence could have a meaning, that she was not alone. She could feel his pain and suffering, could almost see it in his heart. Yet, Slaine would never bare it in front of her, never break his charming smile, never break his walls. Nonetheless she will try to reach out to him, offer everything she could for him. It's a silly thing. But deep in her heart she dearly wished for Slaine to be happy, genuinely happy. She knows the price, and the lies, but to feel at home she would continue living in the shadows of his struggle. His smile is sometimes so capturing, it is not difficult to pretend her sister does not exist.

His eyelashes fluttered slightly, just so slightly, as though he was blinking in his dreams. Without realising what she was doing, Lemrina found herself reaching up to touch his eyelashes. To feel his soft and delicate features that could turn sharp and fierce when he burned with passion. To feel him when he is himself and without an orchestrated mask, when he dwells in dreams and mercifully away from the real, hard world. She wanted to touch his pale face and stroke away the tensed lines drawn across his forehead.

Lemrina stopped her hands hovering above his face and it castes a shadow across his eyes. Slaine's face tensed and his features were immediately drawn into a slight grimace. He bared his gritted teeth slightly, mouth pulled at the corners and eyebrows dipped. Lemrina drew back her hand quickly and was shock at the pained scowl painted on Slaine's face even though he was sleeping.

Slaine twitched slightly and his hands half curled into a fist as he drew them towards his chest protectively. His movements were slow and mild, but Lemrina could tell that he was having an unpleasant dream. Lemrina frowned sadly at the thought that even in sleep, even in this brief moments of peace and release, Slaine still could not find the freedom of burden. Cruelty haunts him nonetheless.

Lemrina felt a bitter pull at her heart. She could not bare to see him suffer so much in this cold, hostile world at such a young age. He's future should have been full of brightness and hope, he should be leading a carefree and youthful life like any boy. Instead, he was trapped between an interstellar war and an internal war against this corrupted social system. This "home" that he is fighting for had never once showed him mercy or kindness, and even now would constantly threaten to pull him to his downfall. There was no choice to but to fight, but fighting comes with terrible prices, terrible decisions that rips anyone apart.

Lemrina watched him curl slowly into a protective ball, eyes twitching and mouth pulled into a grimace. She wished with all her heart that things could be better for him. She wanted everything to stop hurting Slaine. And she really really wished, that her love could be returned by him.

She really wish....

Slaine jerked in a sudden moment. His hands slamming to the sheets and he gripped them tightly, a small gasp bursting out his mouth and his chest rose. Alarmed, Lemrina did not know what to do. She didn't want to wake him up, yet she could not bear to see him haunted even by nightmares. Softly, she took his hands and gently eased his fingers, _those long and slender fingers_ , from the sheets. "It's alright, Slaine. You're not alone, you can rest now... Don't...", Lemrina found her throat tightening as she could barely here herself whisper, "I'm here... Please love yourself...."

Stroking and easing his hands, Lemrina sincerely hoped it would calm and soothe his mind. There was little she could do but watch. Always, she watched him and she could not do anything, not even walk to him on her own two legs. Helpless to save even someone she loved. And so she was determined to stay here, by his side and offer him whatever he could hope for.

Slaine did not move, his eyebrows drawn but he breathed evenly now. Lemrina held his hand between her two palms and gently laid her cheeks on them. Holding on to him in this smallest, but surest way possible. His fingers were slightly cold and she was glad to warm them. She was glad.

She's been thinking too much, and it hurts too much to feel all the reality. Perhaps she should just enjoy this quiet night, with a fog of pretence that everything will be alright, because he's here, and she's here. Like drowning in sweet wine, she slowly drifted into realms of sleep, while holding on to him.

 

\---

Slaine knew he had to wake up, and yet all the willpower in him could not force himself up. Harklight had to literally shake him until he struggled to sit up. His senses came back to him drearily as he felt weariness and aches settling into every inch of his body. Something felt... Different.... He strained his eyes in the darkness and saw Lemrina, holding his hands...

He felt his chest tighten but his mind was too raw for him to determine the feeling. That momentarily he gritted his teeth as once again he is reminded of his cruelty. Only that Lemrina's peaceful breathing calmed him down somehow. That it almost makes him want to...

_No_.

Slowly, as gently and slowly as he could, he pulled his hand away from hers. Slaine swept a lock of lavender hair away from her face and the moon illuminates her face. _I'm sorry_. He thinks once again. Once again. All the words he couldn't ever say, and his heart simply cries for a _sorry_.

_I'll protect you... I swear I will._

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> For Her sister:
> 
>  
> 
> I am bleeding out, tearing myself apart, ripping out my heart  
> To live this dream  
> This dream for you
> 
> You who have  
> Bled out, tore out, ripped out  
> My dream
> 
> I should have told you  
> Instead I'm  
> Screaming into the abyss  
> There is a fire burning me  
> From inside out  
> From deep within, clawing out my brain  
> My mind is swollen  
> My heart is beaten  
> I am bleeding for a dream  
> You destroyed


End file.
